Adjusting to Parenthood

As you find yourself lost in the crazy, sleep-deprived days and weeks after you bring home your new arrival(s), you will probably find that all of your attention is focused on the baby. There may be little or no time for any quiet time together with your spouse, and although this is completely normal, it will be important to find some time for the two of you .

Effective communication is always a very important part of any healthy relationship, but never is it more important than when you've become a family for the first time. As much as you'll be talking about your new baby, you need to be checking in with each other, to see how each of you are feeling. Make it a point each day to find the time to talk, to hug or cuddle. This allows you to support each other in your new roles as parents.

You'll probably find that you need to become extremely creative with your time. While you may have used to spend evening together you may now find that evenings are when your baby demands the most attention from you. You may have to improvise and spend time together when he or she is napping.

Becoming a family can bring about added stress for both parents. Many things will probably change in a short amount of time and this can take some getting used to. Quiet evenings together may now be a thing of the past. If you do find that your relationship is getting a bit tense , here are some little things you can do to ease the transition to becoming new parents.

First of all, allow yourselves both time to adjust to your new role as parents as well as to the new feelings and responsibilities. Take the time to talk with each other about how things are going and how you're feeling each day.

Try to make each conversation have statements that are positive and not blaming. Ask for help when you need it and let your partner know specifically what you do need. Don't expect them to read your mind and by asking, rather than blaming when things aren't going right that day, you can help the situation rather than make it worse.

Remember that between hormones and sleep deprivation and all of the changes going on in the household, things are a little out of whack. Don't blame each other and if you're angry with your spouse let them know and tell them why. Be specific about what you need instead of accusing your partner of not caring or not helping. They may not know what to do to be helpful. There is a silly myth that we are born knowing how to be parents and its not the case. It's a learning process for every family.

Try to set aside twenty minutes each day to be a couple, to talk and express your feelings. Try to not let the baby be the only member of the family to get attention and physical affection. Make sure to set aside a little time each day to be together.

If you make an effort to talk, to laugh and to be yourselves you'll grow into your new roles as parents together and have some fun along the way.

I'm the founder and author of a website for parents of twins at Raising Twins

I am a stay at home mom of four beautiful children, 2 boys and 2 girls. I have a degree in Applied Counseling and Early Childhood Education and has previously worked as a special needs worker, a Counselor for abused women, and a Counselor for High Risk Youth. For a more complete discussion about parenting you can visit Twin Parenting